The stories of My Sister's Tears audiences, listeners and performers are told in the following section. Reactions from home and around the world are canvassed and ruminated on. The impact of the work on particular individuals takes precedence casting bright light onto the impact of the work.
"I love it because it is engaging music. I'm probably his biggest musical critic!" (Julie Hultgren, personal communication, June 3, 2005)
As I have said previously, so she is. Here she was reflecting on the premiere of My Sister's Tears. My beautiful wife Julie is often my most stern and honest critic. Many a time I have come home clutching a recording of a new piece and played it for her; enthusiastically in the early years and more hesitantly these days, and I wonder at what she will say. I am eager to have a response; music requires a response - mine does. It cannot sit alone on the page and not be heard; it has to be 'made'. Her response here touched me deeply for she of all people experiences my pain, often as a helpless onlooker.
But Julie and the family, the close friends who shared that night and know the story, cannot be the only measure used to talk of the value of the piece. Each time I read the report of those who have responded to it, I am dumbfounded at how broad the reaction has been and how deeply felt the emotion. Some of those accounts can be found below.
My Sister's Tears is still drawing responses. Over the years there are times when I know it is played and times when I present a workshop, or the like, on its story. It always draws a strong response; most often with few words used in the presentation.
In 2006, at the Midwest International Band and Orchestra Clinic in Chicago many people heard the work. It had just been published by Studio Music and at their trade display they had the score and the recording, made by the Coldstream Guards.
As I sit now and write this I feel again the wonder of those few days. Graham Jones, the conductor of the Coldstream Guards, spoke to me on the phone while I was staying with Martin Ellerby and his wife Linda in Manchester, just before the Chicago conference. In my journal I note that:
Major Graham Jones is a significant musician in the British Army. He has a broad and deep experience of established repertoire and also has premiered and made premiere recordings of much new music. He was effusive in his positive response to MST. He suggested that it was such a significant work on a major subject but one that was not self indulgent and did not wallow in the subject matter but was an uplifting commentary on a life, with reflection on the sad event that precipitated the writing of the piece. (Reflections on 2006 and my composition output, 2006, p. 4)
In Chicago the reaction was almost confronting for me. I am unsure how others respond to emotion staring them in the face, or praise coming to them for what they have done. Well, it was more like astonishment at times, rather than praise. A colleague from a university in Wisconsin had tears in his eyes as he told me "I am truly speechless Ralph. Words cannot explain what I feel." (2006, p. 6)
"The piece changed my life and the life of my ensemble. Thank you". (2006, p. 6) Gary had never spoken to me like this. He is a larger-than-life character who always has more words than most ears can take in. I was humbled that the music could have such an affect on him. Was it just music though? It was my story of Heather too and the ache of the whole family. He sat quietly with me and talked gently about the piece. This was most unusual; the substance of his response was in the quietness. This was truly amazing.
Two of my closest friends were also in attendance. Rob McWilliams and Tom Rohrer are great supporters of my work and Tom reported on their discussion, over a glass or two, from the night before. "There is something that has happened in Ralph's life over the last two or three years...You can hear it in the music." He continued; "Rob and I were talking last night and your music has become very introspective and so chamber music–like. There is something different - something which has connections with what you composed before, but it's different." (2006, p. 6)
I know the change and some of it is reflected in how I have written about my composing. My Christian life is evident in this work; I would hope so. How I live my life must be resonant in my music both as a composer, and as a conductor and teacher. This music, My Sister's Tears, must have an impact; no life should be lost for want of love and affection. Everyone should know they are not alone. A friend from church noted at the premiere, "I heard God's tears there too, not just your sister's!" (L. Reid, personal communication, June 3, 2005)
In the last few months (it is a number of years on from the Chicago comments above) the impact of the piece has not abated. I gave Natalie, a Young Conservatorium student of mine, the Coldstream Guards recording of the work to listen to. I sought no reaction from her other than to satisfy her request to "hear some of the music I had written lately." I was surprised to have her react to the work by saying that she has
…a little brother who is 9 years younger than me, whom I'd do anything for. I think that your story has made me become more aware of him and his well-being just that little bit more and I want to thank you. You've helped me to value my family a lot more and not to take them for granted."(personal communication, May, 2006)
She is a young woman of great depth and consideration. I am so pleased about her being more aware of her brother.
Big brothers get a 'bad rap' I think. We are often not good at doing what our parents ask of us. Big sisters may be better; more nurturing and kind. We brothers tend to just 'do' and not think about feeling and sensitivity; we just get the job done.
Maybe that's what I was like; maybe I was just getting the job done and not listening to Heather or hearing her cries for help – or her sobs…
A letter arrived after a presentation on research around this topic. My Sister's Tears was the focus of the event.
Thank you again for sharing your story…through My Sister's Tears and our chat afterwards…I have a brother who – apart from a brief encounter 5 or 6 years ago – I haven't seen or had any contact with at all for 18 years, when I was 13. I didn't mention this to you…and it was only after 'sitting' with your story for a couple of days that it occurred to me that not only was he my brother – I was his little sister.
I read on.
…I remembered I had his number, I just sent him a simple text message – just saying hello, and that I hope he is well, and I'm thinking of him. A small thing perhaps…
And on...
Ralph, I thought you'd like to know. Of course my brother may not reply, or his number may have changed, but actually for me now that's not the most important thing – just my having taken a little step is what matters – And for that I thank you, and your courage, and your music. God bless you too.
Why do I write music?
Why did I write this piece particularly?
So Caroline would make contact with her brother…